Before you got engaged, or had a child, or moved across the country for your partner’s job, did you sit down and ask each other questions like, What makes for a good life? and How much work is too much? Yeah, neither did we. These are the sorts of conversations that researcher Jennifer Petriglieri says lay the foundation for couples, especially working parents, to have a mutually supportive relationship and satisfying, if demanding, careers.
A woman named Rebecca remembers talking with her husband in depth about their values and goals early on in their relationship. It was a conversation that felt abstract at the time…and never happened again. They now have two young kids, and Rebecca is stepping into a new leadership role. She feels like she’s not getting enough practical and emotional support from her spouse, and isn’t sure how to attain it. So, we asked Jennifer to share her expertise and advice.
We give Rebecca (and anyone in a similar situation) a framework for processing the career-family tension she’s feeling, as well as ideas for resolving it.
Guest:
Jennifer Petriglieri is an associate professor of organizational behavior at INSEAD and the author of Couples That Work: How Dual-Career Couples Can Thrive in Love and Work.
Resources:
• “How Dual-Career Couples Make It Work,” by Jennifer Petriglieri
• “Why Working Couples Need to Talk More About Power,” by Jennifer Petriglieri
• “Couples That Work,” by Women at Work
• “When We Make All (or Most of) the Money,” by Women at Work
• “How to Have a Relationship and a Career,” by HBR IdeaCast
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Email us: womenatwork@hbr.org
Listen to all Women at Work episodes here: [YouTube playlist link]
You can also listen to this episode on HBR.org, and wherever you listen to podcasts:
- HBR.org (transcript available here): https://hbr.org/podcast/2022/11/when-your-partner-isnt-giving-you-the-support-you-need
- Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/when-your-partner-isnt-giving-you-the-support-you-need/id1336174427?i=1000585385616
- Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/1RjP4YqhnPWeH932LvEFvp?si=151ba63e06e4432d
- Stitcher: https://www.stitcher.com/show/women-at-work/episode/when-your-partner-isnt-giving-you-the-support-you-need-208311946
- Google Podcasts: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cDovL2ZlZWRzLmhhcnZhcmRidXNpbmVzcy5vcmcvaGFydmFyZGJ1c2luZXNzL3dvbWVuLWF0LXdvcms/episode/dGFnOmF1ZGlvLmhici5vcmcsMjAxOC0wMS0xNzp3b21lbi1hdC13b3JrLnM4LjAwMDA0?sa=X&ved=0CAgQuIEEahcKEwjA2L63np_7AhUAAAAAHQAAAAAQAQ
Series Description:
Women face gender discrimination throughout our careers. It doesn't have to derail our ambitions — but how do we prepare to deal with it? There's no workplace orientation session about narrowing the wage gap, standing up to interrupting male colleagues, or taking on many other issues we encounter at work. So HBR staffers Amy Bernstein, Amy Gallo, and Emily Caulfield are untangling some of the knottiest problems. They interview experts on gender, tell stories about their own experiences, and give lots of practical advice to help you succeed in spite of the obstacles.
About Harvard Business Review:
Harvard Business Review is the leading destination for smart management thinking. Through its flagship magazine, books, and digital content and tools published on HBR.org, Harvard Business Review aims to provide professionals around the world with rigorous insights and best practices to help lead themselves and their organizations more effectively and to make a positive impact. Learn more at www.hbr.org.
Chapters:
00:00 – Intro
4:32 – Struggles of – and Tools for – Dual Career Parents
11:04 – Set Expectations
16:29 – Check Your Assumptions
21:20 – Get Clear on What You Need
28:58 – Don’t Over-Focus on Money
34:35 – Understand Each Other’s Boundaries
40:26 – You’re Interdependent and In It Together
45:07 – Outro
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